The 'High School Eats Dick' Polooza
On the 26th August 2006, the first Palooza event of 2006 kicked off. I was noticably absent from the event, and it is the first Palooza I have missed since its inception in 2004. However there are a few that have kept the tradition alive, and the new captain of the Palmerston North chapter has written a few words to document the mayhem that shadows a Palooza event.
Note: Those who have yet to be desensitized by the carnage of Polooza events may be shocked and awed at the following tale. You have been warned…
Whenever the word, ‘Palooza’, gets thought of in many circles around Palmerston North, it may bring a shudder to many peoples skin. This is due to the events that have occurred in the past two years, and not just these events but also the calibre of idiots that have created mayhem at other events...When there was a new instalment of a 2006 event being whispered around, many creatures began creaming their pants.
Its not just about one afternoon of drinking, no, it goes deeper than that, it’s the week leading up to it, text messages of trash talking circling, invitations to the worthy, ordering of the kegs, uniforms being erected for the day, while pre-Palooza plans are also getting underway.
The ‘High School Eats Dick Palooza’, transferred out of its original habitat of 44 Bourke Street this time. Many reasons for this, and since the Godfather voyaged to Europe to set up franchises, it had became into some what of a brothel. Holes in the roof and bodies going straight through walls, had meant we had two weeks notice from the distraught landlords to fix up the battle scars. ‘Lil Pig (Piglet Little) stepped out and squealed that we could have it at his castle.
The week went on smoothly, Mark ‘The Avatar’, Ultimate Warrior’ Lyes, was a confirmed starter - this is a hero of Palooza and his saga will follow soon. The kegs were ordered, and we were good to go.
Saturday had finally come upon us, two rookies, Young1 and Kruger decided it was their opportunity to prove themselves and began their preparation with a polished off six pack, the ‘Ultimate warrior’ then arrived at 10am with two bottles of Jagermeister, the three slaughtered bottle number one in 10mins, beers were then purchased and they were on their way to the hockey turf. The result of this was three terrible creatures dressed in camouflage, complete with a poncho each, war paint and a hunting knife. This was close to death as the two rookies began cutting lip to a group of seasoned professionals of drinking and fighting (Wanganui Rangers hockey team). Luckily for them they were asked to leave the premises to the disgust of the sober and queer hockey community.
By this time the Varsity blues had completely arse raped the High School hockey team with a 6-1 pillaging and were ready to drink Palmerston North dry. With beers demolished and egos ruined, they set off to ‘Lil Pig’s pen to begin their celebrations. The group with the help of other notable veterans, Whitley and Willz, deciding that on a cold winter’s night the only prescription would be… fire. Usually it takes time for situations to get out of hand, but Palooza was well and truly etched in their brains. Couches, then the whole outside garage, was stripped to fuel our warm friend.
As more people turned up, there was a murmur going around that the ‘Ultimate Warrior’ at been arrested, as with the Young1. He had been hitchhiking down the road to buy more absinthe when a cop picked him up. As he was invincible and had a couple to drink, and also holding a large knife, he was then taken to jail for ‘drunk and disorderly’, and ‘carrying a concealed weapon’. This was 8pm. He returned back to the pig pen none the sober, with fish ‘n chips around 9.30pm. This a true animal of The System that is considered a living saint.
As time went on the kegs were now becoming close to the end, a few Wisemen decided town was the only option. With leaving, one decided to see how strong the glass was; while another believed he could jump the fire. Both ended in failed results with the house coming close to ash.
Minutes into their journey five cop cars circled the group, after them for an arrest of smashing windows, but the smartest of the bunch Rick Rigby said the right things they were let off and told to head home. As they stumbled to way towards The Vessel (home), the cops decided it was best to take the leader of the pack, ‘Animal’, home. He awoke the next day on the floor in laundry covered in his own urine. This was similar to Lloyd Christmas who fell face first on the pavement, with his flat mates throwing him in the bath.
Other feats for this night included Rick Rigby trying to take on the entire Empty Vessel with no top on, young Patrick breaking into a house on the way to town and smashing a large fish tank. There was also Cody and Jeremy Linton going home at 10pm rather than 8pm, well done boys…
That’s about it, it was a good one, Dante of the day goes to Mark ‘The Avatar’, ‘Ultimate Warrior’ Lyes. It’s always a pleasure mate.
Remember lift every weight as if it’s your last,
The Freak
Photos:
The “High School Eats Dick” Palooza
COMMENTS (registration required)
stories have been flowing in that werent mentioned...
jiz jizbet has said, when they went to firecats afterwards...
“I will tell you that we abused the strippers to the point where one of them told us we were to immature to be in there and stole jesse’s phone”.
rick rigby....got home at 4.30 am threw his flatmates bicycle threw a window then finished the same door off with his leg..
heps....just really likes porn, caltex on fitzherbert found this out,when the sneaky maori slithered many copies dwn his pants on his walk home..
